So i am having a moment.
I feel as if my life is somewhat falling into place, yet in another way i have no control over the things happening around me. OK so i have decided to stick it out in Sydney after weeks of mulling over the thought in my head of leaving Oz for a distant shore on a one way ticket. About 3 weeks ago i fell apart and just wanted to run. This is still quite tempting, but i just cant do it, for several reasons that i will not put on here. But this does have its downsides. For one i have to face up to myself and understand that i do have responsibilities here and need to take hold of them. Today was a hurdle for me. I did something that i half did not want to do, but now am glad that i did take the chance to do it. I still feel hurt but im also glad. Strange really. This situation didnt turn out as i had hoped a few months ago, but i have learned alot from it, as i hope they have.
I am glad that after 3.5 years, my life feels at ease. The thought of where i was over 3 years ago, scares the heck out of me. I was messed up, so very messed up, and now i look at myself and I feel quite happy. That is a feeling i haven't had in quite a long time. But what has got me in this certain moment is that how i got to this happy point. It comes down to the people around me of late, especially in the past year. I found these certain people who pick me up and put me back together, kinda thing. They have never spoken down to me or had expectations of me. Never taken me at face value and given me respect. Values that should be a standard in relationships but often are not.
2 Years ago i formed a relationship with a work colleague and in a short space of 2 weeks we became best buddies. She is still my best friend. At the time when we met we bonded over shit working experience with a large photo agency, as much as we both dont like to admit it, as we hate that place, if we both hadn't been there we never would have met. This girl is my drunken phone call, my shoulder to cry on, my "i just ate 2 king size twix bars, is that bad?" girl and my 200 emails a day bitch. And with the new pact that we have formed over the past weekend away, i am sure that more fun times shall be had. Rock on i say.
Then there are the people who you just happen to click with. That you can chit chat for hours with, day after day and not get bored. These mates keep me grounded. Over analyzing every single detail then laughing about it, and doing it all again the next week. I like those days, talking shit about shit.
Looking back to that bleak time in my life when i had no support network around me to now, i am a very lucky person. I know that when i get my outback house (with a wrap around veranda), in the middle of nowhere, these people will come and see me no matter how many different pieces of denim* i shall be wearing.
* Think of the TV show "Blossom"